James Haskell has been a professional rugby player for 17 years. He has won Premiership and European championship titles with Wasps and many other titles while playing in France, New Zealand and Japan. He has had a glittering international career with England as well, winning the Six Nations, a whitewash test series in Australia and earning 77 caps for his national side. He has also toured with the British and Irish Lions. Now at the age of 34 Haskell is retiring.*
"It's really daunting, I'm effectively unemployed at the end of the season. It's terrifying as it will be as if I haven't done anything."
Northampton Saints home ground Franklin's Gardens looks like a fortress. It looms over the houses and businesses that surround it. In the car park are Rolls Royces, BMWs and Audis of the players turning up to training. Wales fly half Dan Biggar skips up a flight of stairs as I walk into reception. It's hard not to feel the stardom and celebration of seasons past as you walk through this historic place of rugby, it's as if you can smell the old changing rooms and hear the laughter of team mates after toasting one of the countless trophies won here.
The press all gather around a small table, tapping voice recorders and discussing how they are getting to the Saracens press conference later in the day. Silence fills the air though as the man of the hour is about to enter the room.
James Haskell strides in with hunched shoulders, rippling the green of his Northampton Saints shirt. All attention is on him, as always, but this time the jester doesn't have any jokes. The forward is here to announce his retirement and heartbreak of not being able to go out with a bang.
Haskell welcomes everyone with a slanted smile, strong hand shake and slumps into his chair with a sigh, it is clear this decision has taken a toll on him.
Caption: A toe injury Haskell picked up in 2016 is forcing him to retire at 34. PHOTO: James Haskell via Instagram.
Coping with retirement is one thing that many players, including England World Cup winner Jonny Wilkinson, have shone a light on in recent years. Wilkinson said that retirement made him feel "less of a man". I ask Haskell if he's put things in place for his post rugby life?
"I have spoken with a lot of players who have retired and they find it hard. I think a lot of sportsmen and women get depression. Get all sorts of mental health issues. I make sure that I always speak to my psychologist.
"I am definitely going to have to take up a sport. Boxing or Jiu Jitsu because I am going to go mad if I don't have something like that.
"I've also asked permission if I can come in here once every couple of weeks to have a gym session with the lads.
"It is going to be really scary to work out what I'm going to do now. I've had that structure my whole career so finding my feet again is going to be really hard."
He shifts in his seat nervously and avoids eye contact.
"I had to say goodbye to the lads the other day. I normally show no emotion but I absolutely broke down and blubbed in front of them.
"I couldn't get my words out, my wife was more disappointed than anyone as I didn't even cry on my wedding day."
As soon as the subject of his wife, Chloe Madeley, is brought up he reaches for his wedding ring, flicking it round and round his finger with a slight smile as he speaks.
"That was a big thing I didn't expect that to happen. The lads checked if I was okay and I tried to say a few words but I couldn't speak and I cried.
"There are a lot of emotions with it, I don't think it's talked about."
Injury is the cause of Haskell's early retirement, a toe injury he picked up while on his England man of the series performance in the whitewash win in Australia. How has he coped with his toe holding him back from achieving his dream of winning a World Cup?
"I was really lucky throughout my entire career for a large amount of time I was playing 30-40 games a season consistently.
"After that injury with my toe I was in pain every day but it was manageable. I had to have ankle surgery this season and it's just got to the point where I've got one issue too many.
"I'm sure with rest and a few bits and pieces I could probably try to play again but my goal was to try and play in the World Cup, I always said to anyone who would ever listen that if I couldn't play for England then there was no point in carrying on.
"It was a really hard decision but the last two years have been the hardest in my rugby career, since my injury in Australia, and this has just capped off a really tough period."
Haskell looks towards the floor and begins to open up about how striving to improve was a job in itself.
"I was getting physio once or twice a week in London.
"The reality of my career was me driving all over the country to see physios, nutritionists, psychologists. Whatever it was to improve - that was my full time job."
Sustainability around rugby has been a big discussion point due to the severity of injuries getting worse. I enquire if he thinks that rugby is sustainable as it is? Especially considering the circumstances that he finds himself in?
"That's a very good question. I think at some point there will be a tipping point considering how it's gone but I don't think we're in crisis.
"I think there is still some amazing rugby to be played. I just think the injuries will still happen and probably get worse.
"Every team is as fit as each other now, every team is as big as each other. The concussion thing, you get that 5-6 times a game now. Everything is so physical.
"But look it's a contact sport, you're never going to make a contact sport safe so you have to deal with it, you can manage it and try to protect people as much as you can.
"I am kind of glad that I have escaped as I have with just a few bits and pieces."
Haskell had always dreamt of retiring grasping the sparkling silverware of a World Cup trophy, just as his idol New Zealand captain Richie McCaw did. Instead he ends on his most disappointing season of his career, playing only five games for new club Saints.
"It's been really hard for me. This season was supposed to go a certain way and didn't.
"I wanted to come to Saints and play well, fight my way back into England and go to a World Cup but I think, probably about two to three months ago, I knew it wasn't going well.
"I just wasn't able to stay fit and then I realised that when I was playing I wasn't able to do what I wanted to do anymore.
"If I'm not going to play for England and I'm not going to perform at my best then there's no point carrying on."
Most of this season he has had to watch on from the sidelines while Saints played great rugby, earning them a spot in the Premiership play offs. How did the 6'4" giant deal with watching on?
"It's really hard. There's two types of rugby player, there's one who is a diehard rugby fan who would get to the away hotel and want to put a rugby game on in the bar, I'm not that person.
"I'll watch rugby because I want to learn from it, I spent hours watching [David] Pocock, [Michael] Hooper, McCaw, bits of Billy [Vunipola] bits of whoever to learn from. So when I go out and watch it's very hard because I want to be involved.
"I watched my first game in a stand on Saturday [4th May, Saints v Worcester] and it was bizarre and actually quite fun but I still want to be out there.
"But I know that I couldn't play as I wanted to. Instantly as you retire you become a better player but I'm very aware of my ability at the moment."
Caption: James Haskell has only played five games for Northampton Saints this season. PHOTO: James Haskell via Instagram.
Haskell looks sombre, it's difficult not to sympathise with him. It is refreshing to see an emotional side to Haskell's character, a humility in the hardest period of his life. He rises from his chair to carry on with his press day, winks at the press in front of him and departs with a simple "cheers". Despite his usual persona, Haskell is a gentle giant.
*The quotes in this article were obtained at a press conference that I attended and participated in
"It's really daunting, I'm effectively unemployed at the end of the season. It's terrifying as it will be as if I haven't done anything."
Northampton Saints home ground Franklin's Gardens looks like a fortress. It looms over the houses and businesses that surround it. In the car park are Rolls Royces, BMWs and Audis of the players turning up to training. Wales fly half Dan Biggar skips up a flight of stairs as I walk into reception. It's hard not to feel the stardom and celebration of seasons past as you walk through this historic place of rugby, it's as if you can smell the old changing rooms and hear the laughter of team mates after toasting one of the countless trophies won here.
The press all gather around a small table, tapping voice recorders and discussing how they are getting to the Saracens press conference later in the day. Silence fills the air though as the man of the hour is about to enter the room.
James Haskell strides in with hunched shoulders, rippling the green of his Northampton Saints shirt. All attention is on him, as always, but this time the jester doesn't have any jokes. The forward is here to announce his retirement and heartbreak of not being able to go out with a bang.
Haskell welcomes everyone with a slanted smile, strong hand shake and slumps into his chair with a sigh, it is clear this decision has taken a toll on him.
Coping with retirement is one thing that many players, including England World Cup winner Jonny Wilkinson, have shone a light on in recent years. Wilkinson said that retirement made him feel "less of a man". I ask Haskell if he's put things in place for his post rugby life?
"I have spoken with a lot of players who have retired and they find it hard. I think a lot of sportsmen and women get depression. Get all sorts of mental health issues. I make sure that I always speak to my psychologist.
"I am definitely going to have to take up a sport. Boxing or Jiu Jitsu because I am going to go mad if I don't have something like that.
"I've also asked permission if I can come in here once every couple of weeks to have a gym session with the lads.
"It is going to be really scary to work out what I'm going to do now. I've had that structure my whole career so finding my feet again is going to be really hard."
He shifts in his seat nervously and avoids eye contact.
"I had to say goodbye to the lads the other day. I normally show no emotion but I absolutely broke down and blubbed in front of them.
"I couldn't get my words out, my wife was more disappointed than anyone as I didn't even cry on my wedding day."
As soon as the subject of his wife, Chloe Madeley, is brought up he reaches for his wedding ring, flicking it round and round his finger with a slight smile as he speaks.
"That was a big thing I didn't expect that to happen. The lads checked if I was okay and I tried to say a few words but I couldn't speak and I cried.
"There are a lot of emotions with it, I don't think it's talked about."
Injury is the cause of Haskell's early retirement, a toe injury he picked up while on his England man of the series performance in the whitewash win in Australia. How has he coped with his toe holding him back from achieving his dream of winning a World Cup?
"I was really lucky throughout my entire career for a large amount of time I was playing 30-40 games a season consistently.
"After that injury with my toe I was in pain every day but it was manageable. I had to have ankle surgery this season and it's just got to the point where I've got one issue too many.
"I'm sure with rest and a few bits and pieces I could probably try to play again but my goal was to try and play in the World Cup, I always said to anyone who would ever listen that if I couldn't play for England then there was no point in carrying on.
"It was a really hard decision but the last two years have been the hardest in my rugby career, since my injury in Australia, and this has just capped off a really tough period."
Haskell looks towards the floor and begins to open up about how striving to improve was a job in itself.
"I was getting physio once or twice a week in London.
"The reality of my career was me driving all over the country to see physios, nutritionists, psychologists. Whatever it was to improve - that was my full time job."
Sustainability around rugby has been a big discussion point due to the severity of injuries getting worse. I enquire if he thinks that rugby is sustainable as it is? Especially considering the circumstances that he finds himself in?
"That's a very good question. I think at some point there will be a tipping point considering how it's gone but I don't think we're in crisis.
"I think there is still some amazing rugby to be played. I just think the injuries will still happen and probably get worse.
"Every team is as fit as each other now, every team is as big as each other. The concussion thing, you get that 5-6 times a game now. Everything is so physical.
"But look it's a contact sport, you're never going to make a contact sport safe so you have to deal with it, you can manage it and try to protect people as much as you can.
"I am kind of glad that I have escaped as I have with just a few bits and pieces."
Haskell had always dreamt of retiring grasping the sparkling silverware of a World Cup trophy, just as his idol New Zealand captain Richie McCaw did. Instead he ends on his most disappointing season of his career, playing only five games for new club Saints.
"It's been really hard for me. This season was supposed to go a certain way and didn't.
"I wanted to come to Saints and play well, fight my way back into England and go to a World Cup but I think, probably about two to three months ago, I knew it wasn't going well.
"I just wasn't able to stay fit and then I realised that when I was playing I wasn't able to do what I wanted to do anymore.
"If I'm not going to play for England and I'm not going to perform at my best then there's no point carrying on."
Most of this season he has had to watch on from the sidelines while Saints played great rugby, earning them a spot in the Premiership play offs. How did the 6'4" giant deal with watching on?
"It's really hard. There's two types of rugby player, there's one who is a diehard rugby fan who would get to the away hotel and want to put a rugby game on in the bar, I'm not that person.
"I'll watch rugby because I want to learn from it, I spent hours watching [David] Pocock, [Michael] Hooper, McCaw, bits of Billy [Vunipola] bits of whoever to learn from. So when I go out and watch it's very hard because I want to be involved.
"I watched my first game in a stand on Saturday [4th May, Saints v Worcester] and it was bizarre and actually quite fun but I still want to be out there.
"But I know that I couldn't play as I wanted to. Instantly as you retire you become a better player but I'm very aware of my ability at the moment."
Haskell looks sombre, it's difficult not to sympathise with him. It is refreshing to see an emotional side to Haskell's character, a humility in the hardest period of his life. He rises from his chair to carry on with his press day, winks at the press in front of him and departs with a simple "cheers". Despite his usual persona, Haskell is a gentle giant.
*The quotes in this article were obtained at a press conference that I attended and participated in
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