Let's talk about sex!

Hello lovelies!
I would like to start by saying thank you for the great response I've received about last weeks post! So many people have contacted me through social media and people in my year at school have said that it was helpful and relatable so thank you!
Now as you can probably tell from the title this weeks post is going to be surrounding the subject of sex. Yep, sex. That dreaded word. For some people the topic is easily approachable and they have no problem with communicating their feelings about it. However some find it a taboo subject and it's difficult to convey what they want to say without being judged. This is what I want to talk about this week; to begin a discussion about sex and the pressures that it brings to young people.

For me personally it's not the people I interact with sexually that pressure me, I feel pressure from social expectation. I got to the age of around 14/15 and people in my year at school started to experience it and I started to question whether something was different or wrong about me as I didn't have the desire at that age to want to experience sex. I was more interested in having fun with my friends and getting good grades. Then as I got older and the majority of the people around me had had a sexual experience, one way or another, I felt pressurised to play catch up. It's more when you're in a social gathering like a party or a get together of some sort and people either start to talk about their own sexual experiences and ask you about yours or they start to play games such as never have I ever. This was my dreaded fear when they started to play this game as I always got embarrassed as I could never take a drink. I mean like ever! I had my first proper kiss at the age of 17 and to me I was embarrassed and made up that I had my first kiss at a much earlier age. But really I shouldn't have done. I should have told them that I hadn't done anything and that I was proud of doing so. I always wanted the romance and all the stuff that comes with it when it came to sex and just because I was waiting for that didn't mean I was less of a person or should be embarrassed by it. However I didn't do this and hid away in my shell and lied the whole time.

When reflecting on my own experiences I wondered if any of the people around me felt the same pressure as I did and still do, I wanted to explore the stigma of sex to see if it's the lack of communication with other people that creates this pressure. So I asked two of my friends, one boy and one girl, to answer a few questions to see what their responses would be. The differences are quite interesting, I'm not going to tell you which responses were male and female until after to see if you can work it out and I'll go on to discuss this later. (I wont be using names as I feel this wouldn't be appropriate).

Question 1: How do you feel personally about the topic of sex in our generation?
Answer1- 'I feel comfortable about it myself, I'm quite open talking about it however I know a number of people that shy away from the topic, it's like they are afraid of reality and don't want to grow up'.
Answer 2- 'I depends on what age groups you class as our generation. younger kids I feel are pressurised and as we get older the pressure lessens'

Question 2: Do you or have you felt pressurised to have sex?
Answer 1- I myself have never felt pressurised to have sex but it is used across the country by many to gain an upper hand on the other person, it's a horrible thing to do'.
Answer 2- 'I think kids are pressured to start way too young and I'm glad I waited so long in comparison! I have felt pressured by other people because I was a virgin when they hadn't been one for many years'.

Question 3: Why do you think there is a stigma when it comes to talking about sex?
Answer 1- 'I'm not sire, I think it might be that people who haven't experienced sex could be embarrassed or even worried about speaking about it'.
Answer 2- 'There's a stigma because everyone judges other people based on what they like and dislike, you get judged for having different tastes and so people are less likely to speak about it for fear of being judged. however this is resulting in more people our age contracting STI's and becoming pregnant as they don't know enough about sex and sexual health'.

Question 4: Should we be more open when speaking about sex?
Answer 1- I think we should, it's something that will happen at some point in our lives and I think it should be a conversation that isn't whispered about when it is brought up'.
Answer 2- 'Yeah we should, but I disagree with sex education with children as young as 5, it's disgusting and wrong, people old enough to have sex should be able to talk about it more openly'.

Now did you work out which one was male and which was female? I'll give you a second to think.

Answer 1 were answers from a male and answer 2 were answers from a female. The interesting part for me was that the female felt pressured and the male did not. Is this just down to an individuals feelings or is this a clear pattern that men feel more dominant and confident surrounding sex than women? Another point I would like to raise is the way we speak about sex. I was speaking to my friend Vicky and I used the term 'to get lucky'. As soon as I said the words I was questioning whether or not that was the right word? Lucky? I concluded that it isn't appropriate to use. Just because you aren't having sex doesn't mean you're unlucky. Maybe the way in which we are conveying our feelings about sex is building the pressure? If individuals now feel unlucky because they aren't having sex they may force a situation when it arises in order to change their luck. Leave comments below to start a discussion.

In my opinion pressure surrounding sex is inevitable. Whether this be from social expectation, peer pressure or pressure from a sexual partner ( If your partner is pressuring you to have sex and you are not comfortable don't give in to make them happy!! You have a say as well, if you're not comfortable don't do it! Dump that asshole, you are worth way more than that!). However this isn't me saying that sexual pressure is right. To me it's wrong. Sex is something that is personal to the individual and something that you cannot force within yourself. If you don't feel comfortable in having sex or doing any other kind of sexual act at any age then don't do it. It's a step that you are in control of and should only be taken when you want to. I'm so glad I waited until I was older than most of my peers when I had sex as it was with someone who cared about me and I felt safe, happy and comfortable about the situation which is what is most important! So if you are contemplating whether to take steps in your sex life think first, is this really what I want? When you're ready you'll know and then that's the perfect time to take the first step.

I would love it if we could start a discussion in the comments about this. You can answer the questions I put forward to my friends, discuss gender differences or anything you feel like! I felt passionate about writing this post as I feel like sex is something we need to talk about more often so it's pressure level is taken down a few pegs!
A few people have said that blogger the site wont allow them to post a comment? I think this is because you need to have either a blogger account or a Google+ account. If you have neither of these and don't want to get one and you want to leave a comment DM me on twitter (@rendellx) and I'll post one for you.

I hope that you have found this either helpful or relatable!
Until next week,
LMR x